The Joy of Adoption

Hi Folks,

After reading my first post again, I figured I needed a positive post.

Today I want to talk about my daughter's adoption. It was an open adoption. When my husband and I started this process we were very afraid of "open" adoption. So let me see if I can calm some of your nerves if you feel that way too:

1) There are various forms of "open". Some open adoptions are so open that they anticipate yearly or bi-yearly visits with the birth parents. But some are just a matter of letters and pictures through the agency with no direct contact. The set up of your open adoption can be anything that all parties are comfortable with.

2) Unfortunately, and I say that word surprisingly (surprising that I feel it is unfortunate when only 2.5 years ago I couldn't imagine having any contact with a woman who birthed my child on a regular basis), a majority of birth moms will "Fade out" over time. Meaning, they may start off very involved and very interested in updates, pictures, meetings etc....but a lot of them over time go their separate ways and you stop hearing from them. This is the case with our birth mom. And believe it or not, I think of her often and wish she would send out a letter. I would love to know what she has been up to.

3) Sometimes you can have an open adoption where you still never meet the birth mom. Now I know that sounds good at first, but let me tell you, I LOVE that I got to meet my daughters birth parents. I spent significant amount of time with them and I love it when I can see parts of my child's personality match her birth parent. NO, it doesn't make me feel like any less of her mother seeing those characteristics in her. For every natural trait I see in her, I see 3 more traits from nurture. For example, it is my husband that taught my daughter to point at you and say cool. This is great and all, but annoying when she is doing this instead of what you told her to do. She is very strong and strong willed, as was her birth mom. But just watch her on her play kitchen and you see she watches and learns from mommy A LOT ( my little Chef!).

Anyway, I can understand wanting a closed adoption and they do still exist despite what you may been told, but there are amazing things about an open adoption. When I look at my daughter and see her birth moms nose and facial structure, it doesn't sadden me, it makes me think of the wonderful angel who made me a mom!

Good luck and stay strong!
M.S.Simons