The Phone Always Rings When

Okay, so here is the hardest part of adoption. THE single hardest thing you have to do is to sometimes say "no." I was really lucky. I was lucky because during our last adoption process I said yes to every opportunity. Every single one, including twins, closed, drugs throughout pregnancy, I said yes to it all. Thankfully, they all said no to me. Well, us. They didn't chose us and thank god they didn't because if they had, my daughter's situation may have never happened and I wouldn't be the mommy to this amazing wonderfully smart little girl. I just spent a whole weekend as a single parent, I love my daughter, but Twins!?What the heck was I thinking?!?!

And of course during this weekend, in the midst of two weeks alone while my husband is off for training for his new job, we got a call. The call came in yesterday and the baby had was born yesterday. Our Agency had been contacted by an agency in GA and they needed an adoptive family STAT because the planned Adoptive family wasn't home study approved yet and the kid came early. 

Adoption is already rough that in a way you are benefiting from the misfortune of others. There are all kinds of ways to look at it and feel about it but they don't lecture you about birth parent loss for no reason. Can you imagine adopting at the misfortune of not only a birth family but also another adoptive family who just didn't have their paperwork done yet? So that was one reason I said no. Guilt. Another reason was that it was going to be twice the cost of the adoption we have planned for. 42,000 because we would have to pay our agencies FULL placement fee and the GA Agencies fee plus a HUGE birth parent legal fee. We simply don't have the funds to do that right now with my husband just back to work after two years of on and off again employment. We have our adoption covered but only up to so much. So I said no. 

The third and final reason was that I didn't feel anything when I got the call. Call it divine intervention, voodoo or plain crazy but when I got the call that we had been chosen by a birth mom (we weren't told that we were being profiled) there was like a holy glow, it was unreal, it was dare i say godly....but when I got this call yesterday, it was sad, factual, nothing like the call i got. I do feel that when the time comes and the right situation arises I'll just...know. Like I did about the first one.

So the blunt lesson of the day is that sometimes, saying NO is the right thing to do. And here's the kicker, hard to hear I know, and it makes you want to shout at me and tell me to shut up....but another opportunity WILL come along.  I know how angry you may get hearing this....I have this internal battle every time we get THE CALL but let me put it this way, we had 5 or 6 calls before it worked out with my daughter we have had 3 already in this adoption and I keep getting a call. I'll know when it is right and so will you. I always suggest opening your horizons a bit, but not exceeding your comfort zone.  

Good luck and Good night. May the phone ring for you with just the right tone.

Love,

M.S. Simons